Western Men Looking for Asian Women, Part 1

A definite trend has been developing quietly, or not so quietly as the case may be, amongst Western men, going to Asia to look for a wife. Most of these men have already been burnt by their experiences of feminist aka ’manly’ Western women. Then there are some who look at what is available around them and decide to avoid being burnt at the stake altogether and head straight for Asia.

So, do I agree or disagree with this? I generally don't care either way, but what I do object to is the attitude with which some of these men go to Asia looking for women, submissive Asian women.

I do agree that many women's behaviour, attitudes and character leave much to be desired. As a spiritual teacher, when someone asks me to help them find the right mate, I tell them the following.

Take pen and paper, and write down exactly what you want in the person - character, qualities, virtues, thinking, attitudes, morals, etc. After that, I tell them to look at their list and ask themselves the question, “Am I exactly what I want in the other person? Do I have these same qualities, virtues, thinking, attitudes, morals, etc? Does my own character reflect this list?”

Generally, these people cannot live up to their own expectations of what they want in their future partner. Why is this so important? Most men would say that they wouldn't want to marry themselves anyway, but that is the problem. If you can't stand yourself, then why should you expect some woman somewhere to tolerate what you can’t tolerate yourself? Nobody should have to tolerate you. They deserve better and it sure isn't you. You deserve better too and trying to find a submissive Asian woman isn't the answer. If you are looking for the right partner, so are they.

If you wanted a funny person with a great sense of humour and a sunny disposition, but you were dour and depressive with a total lack of humour, you will never find or attract the kind of woman you want.

If your ex-wife was verbally abusive to you and treated you like dirt in her dealings with you right until the divorce and after, then what does that say about you? What do you have within that attracted that kind of abuse?

Did your ex-wife cheat on you? What do you have within that attracted it? Did you cheat on her too? Or is your cheating more mental and emotional rather than physical? Do your eyes stray? Do you lust after other women? Just because you didn’t act on it physically, doesn’t mean that you didn’t cheat.

If you want to find the right partner, look at yourself and your list, and start working on yourself. You have to be brutally honest with yourself and dig deep. Don't try to fool yourself. What is the point? If you are now sitting there going, “I didn't have anything in me to attract that kind of abuse. I'm a nice man.” Then you are fooling yourself and you are not digging deep enough. It's there, I promise you.

You might object and point the finger at her and say that she was like this and like that. I don't care. I don't care about her. I am talking about you. You have to deal with your inner problems, not hers. Forget about her and just deal with yourself. Do not play the blame game. You are not the victim here. You attracted the abuse to yourself. Deal with yourself. If you cannot be honest with yourself, then who in this world can you possibly be honest with? No one!

Eventually, as you correct the imbalances within yourself, you will naturally attract to yourself the right person. It is all about character. Your character will either make you or break you, and in this area of your life, it will either bring to you a good partner or not.

You won't have to run all over Asia looking for a ‘submissive woman’, who hopefully might not rip you off. Aahh! Yes, some men did get bitten again, round two Asian style. But that is the thing isn't it? If you were ripped off, was it a reflection of something deep inside you trying to rip them off too? Only you can answer that honestly. Not so submissive now are they?

Generally, the rule of thumb is that dishonesty within attracts dishonesty without. They become mirrors of you reflecting back to you your own worst self.

In Asia, the colour of your skin immediately flags you up for any one of the following: Mr. Moneybags, ticket out of there, to be defrauded and skinned, potential husband target and status symbol. In the same way as men go to Asia with ulterior motives looking for submissive women or something else, the women are looking right back at you for a whole different set of reasons, a means to an end, a tool.

There is no such thing as a submissive Asian woman. It is a myth and the word submissive offends me. I speak as an Asian woman and on behalf of my peers and ancestors. Tell that to my mother, grandmothers and all my female ancestors and they would collectively kick your ass from here to China. Tell my father his wife is a submissive Asian woman and he would most probably fall off his chair laughing. In all my years of growing up in Asia, I have never ever met a submissive Asian woman, everything but that.

Western men who think that way are most definitely arrogant pricks who deserve getting ripped off by ‘submissive’ Asian women. What they are really looking for after being beaten down by Western women is someone they can control, someone quiet, obedient, subservient, who won't talk back or argue with them, will do as they are told and serve them hand and foot. A doormat basically.

On the other hand, they are also looking for respect. If they cannot get respect and be treated with respect by Western women, they look to the East because they think that Asian women will still respect them and treat them likewise. Maybe, but you would have to change your attitude first. Going to Asia with an ulterior motive looking for a submissive woman because Western women have cut you down to your ankles is definitely the wrong attitude.

If you want respect from the women, do you have what it takes for us to respect you? Is your character honourable, do you have integrity, are your qualities and virtues as a man incomparable? Do you treat women with the same kind of respect and honour that you expect to be treated?

Asian people are generally very polite. The women are quiet, not submissive, just quiet and gentle, and then you have those not so passive. They give you enough rope to hang yourself if you overstep your boundaries. They are not gullible, stupid or submissive. They know how to tolerate you.

They give you face. They are polite and give you face, so that you don't loose your dignity and self-respect. In their arrogance, Westerners are so unconscious to this and instead think that when Asians keep quiet or let you get away with your crass Western ways, they are being stupid or submissive. Only an arrogant fool would think that.

I have seen with my own eyes how my parents used to treat a white Australian Jew in our house. They were never rude, always polite, gave him lots of rope to hang himself and never blind to his shenanigans. He in turn always thought in his arrogance that he had hoodwinked us and had the upper hand. He thought that being our white relative, he was gracing us with his presence. The hubris of such men. In truth, we were always happy to see the back of him. What he didn't know was that in private the entire family of relatives denounced him and had as little respect for him as we did dust. I personally detested him even as a child because I was not blind to his unscrupulous ways. We tolerated him out of respect for my aunt who was his wife, now ex-wife. We wanted her to maintain her dignity and save face. If we confronted him, we would be bringing ourselves down to his level and we were too dignified for that.

For any Western man who married an Asian woman, the above scenario will always be the same if the man was anything less than honourable, or had little integrity. If he treated his Asian relatives with arrogance, he would be soundly denounced behind his back and there would be no respect for him.

My advice to the men, if you want to run round Asia looking for submissiveness and sex, go home. If you want to find a good partner, look at yourself first and see if you live up to your own expectations. If you don't, go home and work on yourself first.

If you want to know how it really should be between men and women continue to part 2 below.

A Cherokee Proverb, Part 2